


Yes Deer Timestamps

by Ehann



Series: Yes Deer [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Demisexuality, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 00:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13018998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ehann/pseuds/Ehann
Summary: This is exactly what he’d been afraid of, Castiel thought. Dean had never asked him, and he hadn’t exactly been eager to bring it up. Dean just assumed that Castiel was gay. Or bisexual. Whatever. Truth was, gender didn’t really matter very much to Castiel but most of the time, (before Dean) he felt that getting involved with someone just seemed a lot of work.





	Yes Deer Timestamps

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone, turns out I wasn't quite as done with this story as I thought. I just kept writing and then this happened. Please leave me a comment and let me know what you think and if you want to see more.

The first time they try to have sex, it doesn’t exactly go the way Dean hoped. Okay, so sue him, he’d been entertaining fantasies of fucking Cas silly. Opening him up slowly, licking all around him until his hole was nice and wet while Dean stroked his cock at the same time. He imagined all the noises that Cas might make in his deep rumbly voice, and it was oh so easy to imagine the way he’d moan, “Dean,” right before Dean made Cas come everywhere.

Here’s the thing. Dean hasn’t been completely honest about how much the lingering aches and pains from the accident are bothering him. He’s been in physical therapy for his shoulder now for four weeks. The swelling in his leg had finally gone down enough for the Docs to finally do the surgery to fix the broken ankle.

Cas is awesome, and Dean loves that he is a badass nurse, but sometimes he seems to enjoy fussing over Dean more than Dean likes it. He does like it a little bit, who doesn’t like being pampered a little? But too much is too much and Dean knows he has accidentally hurt Castiel’s feelings a time or two because of it.

The other weird thing is that Cas has not had as much, um…experience as Dean might have expected. Which was cool! Don’t get him wrong. But sometimes Castiel’s unexpected startle reactions have led to Dean having to abruptly change course so he didn’t push Cas to do anything he didn’t want to.

Dean could not for the life of him understand why Cas hasn’t been getting laid left and right. He’s amazing! Unbelievably smart, and kind, and strong, not to mention gorgeous. And that made Dean all the more determined, that he was not going to fuck this up. More than he already had.

 

XXX

 

Once Castiel had finally broken down and kissed Dean on the couch a few weeks ago, they spent a lot of time making out. Dean loved being so close to his guy, nibbling his lips, sucking on his neck and licking that secret area just behind Cas’s ear… Dean was flat on his back, and Cas was laying over the Dean’s good side. Cas had captured Dean’s good left hand and entwined their fingers by Dean’s head, holding him in place. Dean had a little more use of his right arm now, but his range of motion was not great, and he was prone to sudden neck cramps if he moved it without thinking.

He had been able to get his hand down to Castiel’s groin, and started stroking him through the fabric. Cas had arched into his touch, grinding his erection down against Dean’s hand for more pressure, moaning the whole time, driving Dean positively _insane_ with arousal. “Cas,” Dean gasped between kisses. “Can I go down on you? Please?” 

Castiel stopped kissing him, drawing back to look into Dean’s eyes. “I have to taste you, Cas, get up here.”

In retrospect Dean should have recognized Castiel’s hesitance for inexperience. But it just seemed impossible that Cas, one of the most good looking guys ever, had never gotten a blowjob before.

Dean shifted against the bed, pushing himself up so he was propped against a bunch of pillows in front of the headboard. “Get rid of those?” He asked, nodding at Castiel’s sweatpants, which by the way, were doing nothing to disguise the very firm hardness there. Biting his lip, Cas slid off the bed and stepped out of his pants. His cock was just as gorgeous as the rest of him and bobbed in front of him.

Dean licked his lips. “Cas, please.” He patted the bed and held out his left hand, wiggling his fingers in a come here movement. When Cas got close enough, Dean pressed his lips against Castiel’s stomach, pressing damp kisses everywhere he could reach. With his right hand on Castiel’s hip, Dean tilted his head back to look at his lover. “You are so fucking beautiful.”

He roamed his hands across Cas’s lower back while he kept kissing his way down his stomach. He noticed that Cas was quivering under him. He took Castiel’s cock in hand and started slowly caressing him, while he leaned over and licked the head. Cas gripped his good shoulder, hard, and Dean took that for enthusiastic encouragement. Dean licked his lips again, and took the head into his mouth, slowly sinking down over the crown before rising up, and letting his cock penetrate his mouth again and again. 

“Oh my God. Dean… you feel so amazing.” Cas sounded wrecked. His hips were moving now, chasing Dean’s mouth. Dean moaned over his cock as he bobbed his head. His right hand gripped and stroked. Dean lifted his head to see how Cas was doing, but kept jacking him.

Castiel had his eyes shut tight, his face looked like he was in pain, and he had hold of Dean’s shoulder like a vise. Dean loved it. He wanted all of Cas, he wanted him to come in his mouth, he wanted everything.

He redoubled his efforts, using one hand to squeeze Castiel’s ass. He started taking him deeper and deeper, and stroking him faster. He slid his hand around to cup his balls, gently squeezing them, while sliding a finger back—

Castiel jerked abruptly backwards, falling off the bed and knocking over the table lamp in the process.

“What the fuck, Dean?” Castiel’s big blue eyes were wide and shocked.

Meanwhile, Dean tried to regroup, because he had apparently just crossed a big red line. “Shit, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to—” he had enough brains to not say _scare you_. “—Startle you. What part did you not like?” He wiped a hand across his mouth.

Castiel’s mouth worked but no words came out. He bent down and grabbed his pants, holding them in front of himself for a moment before stepping back into them. He seemed to realize that his actions were confusing the hell out of Dean, because Dean could see almost the exact moment he went from VacationCas! to WorkingCas!.

Cas cleared his throat awkwardly. “Um,” he started. “Uh…”

Okay fine. Dean took one for the team and said, “I, um, I should have asked before, you know, I um, it’s just that, I mean, that actually feels really good, I don’t know if you’ve tried that or not but, you know. It can be really…” Dean felt like a babbling idiot. “…good.”

Looking anywhere but at Dean, Cas perched on the edge of the bed, his hands clasped in his lap. No, no, no, that was no good, his body language was telling Dean exactly how uncomfortable he was. It was making Dean’s chest hurt to look at. He inched closer, reaching out and squeezing Castiel’s bicep, before sliding his hand down the rest of his arm and capturing his hand. Reassuringly, Castiel slid his fingers through Dean’s and squeezed. Whew. Okay.

“Are you okay,” Dean asked.

Finally, Cas managed to look Dean in the eye. “I really liked what you were doing with your mouth. That was…really good,” he smiled a little. “I wasn’t expecting…” He winced and looked at the shattered lamp on the floor. His smile wavered. “I didn’t mean to ruin the um, moment.”

“Sweetheart, there’s nothing ruined. I hated that lamp,” Dean said, deliberately making an innocent face. To his utter relief, he heard a low chuckle. 

“I should clean that up,” Castiel started to get up, but Dean held him fast. 

“Trying to get away from me, Cas?” He kept his tone light.

“No! Of course not, I…” He looked down. “I’m sorry. I’m just so humiliated.”

“I really want to give you a hug, man.” Dean waited a beat, expecting some sort of response. When he didn’t get one, that’s when he realized how much he’d fucked up. Cas still had his face turned away, so Dean couldn’t see his expression. Fuck it, he thought and dug in his left leg so he could drag the right one closer to the left side of the bed, where Cas was still perched like he’s getting ready to bolt.

His foot caught on the blankets, jerking his ankle and Dean couldn't help the growl that escaped his mouth. He clenched his jaw and pushed through the pain, finally managing to sit himself up next to Cas.

He leaned over and rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder, keeping his left arm around his lover’s waist, not pulling him closer, but holding him where he is. As much as Dean would love to try and fix this now, he knew instinctively that was a bad idea. Cas sometimes needed time to let things settle so he could think about them. Oh, that gave him an idea…

“How about I make you some of that tea you like?”  
As he hoped, that got a reaction. Cas finally, finally looked at him, and Dean was actually surprised by the tenderness in that one glance. “That sounds good,” Castiel said softly.

Dean had moved up from the wheelchair to a scooter thing that he could rest his right knee on and wheel around on one leg. He kissed Cas on the cheek, and rolled into the kitchen.

He filled the kettle and set it on the flame.

 

XXX

 

This is exactly what he’d been afraid of, Castiel thought. Dean had never asked him, and he hadn’t exactly been eager to bring it up. Dean just assumed that Castiel was gay. Or bisexual. Whatever. Truth was, gender didn’t really matter very much to Castiel but most of the time, ( _before Dean_ ) he felt that getting involved with someone just seemed a lot of work. 

Then Dean happened. And it was so effortless, so easy, that Castiel just hadn’t thought about talking about things like his relative inexperience. No, he was not a virgin, but he hadn’t actually ever dated a man before, and the idea of anal sex, was frankly revolting to him. Maybe he just knew too much. He tried to think about it sometimes, and what he kept thinking about was E. Coli bacteria, and Enterobacter, and pseudomonas. He thought about anal fissures and bowel perforation. The whole idea of rimming made him physically ill to think about.

Dean had been so eager to get Castiel’s cock in his mouth that Cas had totally forgotten all the things they’d never talked about. And Dean was going to be so disappointed when he heard that Castiel was _never_ going to be okay with anal sex, because the whole idea was disgusting and dirty, and…Okay, take some deep breaths, he told himself. His hands tingled alarmingly and that usually meant that he was hyperventilating.

His throat tightened and he felt like he was swallowing over a lump of cement. _I’m about to lose my shit here, I just need a few minutes to break down and then I’ll be fine_. He went into the bathroom, closed the door leaning against it for a long moment. _Just keep breathing_ , he thought. He shut the lid on the toilet so he could sit down and panic properly.

What if this was a deal breaker for Dean? What if he felt like Castiel had lied to him by not bringing up any of this stuff? What if Dean ended up going back to Kansas where his family was, and this was the beginning of the end?

That thought was utterly unbearable and Castiel covered his mouth to quiet the sobs that were imminent. He swiped the wetness on his cheeks away, and tried to get it together. Oh, no. He knew this feeling. This was the feeling he got when something triggered the shit out of him. All of the feelings of inadequacy he stuffed down into a little box came out to play. 

“Cas?” Dean called through the door. “I have your tea, sweetheart.”

Cas flushed the toilet and washed his hands, then splashed some cold water on his face. He wiped off with the towel and checked his reflection. No hope for it. He looked like he’d been crying. Double fuck.

Opening the door, he found the bedroom empty. 

“I’m in the living room,” Dean called. “Come on out. Made it just the way you like it, promise.”

He lingered in the doorway a moment before Dean saw him.

“Hi,” Castiel said, going over and taking a seat next to Dean. He eyed the mug on the coffee table. It smelled good, and he brought it to his face, closing his eyes and inhaling the steam, before taking a sip. He smiled. 

“Told you so,” Dean said warmly. Cas felt him take a deep breath before saying, “Want to talk about it?”

“No,” Castiel said, “But I will.” He dug his teeth into his lower lip. “You never asked, and I…I should have said, but, I’m not gay.”

Dean went completely still next to him. “Oh.” He said softly. He shifted away, and Castiel, horrified, realized what Dean was thinking.

He clutched Dean’s arm. “Dean, no, no, you don’t understand, I’m not secretly a homophobe! I, um, gender…it..it doesn’t _matter_ , it’s…the _person_ matters, Dean, but there’s a difference between being gay and wanting…some things…and just—” Castiel looked to the sky for help. “—And just being so in love with someone that it, that your orientation or whatever is just...unimportant, do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

Dean ran a hand over his face for a long moment. “Okay, Cas. Do me a favor, and talk to me like I’m stupid, because I want to be real clear on understanding you. Small words.”

Castiel thought frantically. “I love you but I hate the idea of anal sex,” he said in a rush. Once that was out the rest of the words came much easier. “Your mouth, amazing. I could do that with you all day. I want to do that to you, too, in case that wasn’t clear. I um, haven’t before but I want to. I want to sleep next to you, and hold you, and explore your body and make you feel really, really good. But I don’t think I am ever going to want anal sex.”

“You love me?” Dean said, sounding funny.

Cas looked at him, finding Dean’s green eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “I hope that’s not a shock to you. I haven’t been trying to hide it or anything.”

“Cas, my God, I was sitting here positive that you were about to break up with me.” Dean’s voice sounded shaky.

“What? NO! Why would you think that?!”

“Are you kidding me? You fell off the bed _to get away from me_.” And suddenly, Castiel realized he was not the only one who felt inadequate. “And you wouldn’t look at me, and you wouldn’t let me hug you—” This was horrible to listen to, Cas thought, like all his dark thoughts escaped and got to Dean.

“—and I made you tea and I brought it in, and I…I heard you in the bathroom, Cas, and for real, don’t fuck with me, just tell me if you don’t want me—mmmph!” 

Castiel had heard enough, and he kissed Dean as hard as he could, his hands cupping his face as he licked into Dean’s mouth. It quickly turned into a hot and heavy make out session with Castiel wrapped around Dean as much as possible. Finally Cas trailed his kisses into gentle presses against Dean’s mouth and face. “I need you to listen to me, Dean. I love you. I want you. I don’t want anything in my ass. Does that make things clearer?”

Dean ducked his face into Castiel’s neck and kept his arms locked around him. After a long time, he murmured something into Cas’s skin.

They had settle back against the back of the couch, still wrapped up in each other, but without that awful tension. “Hmm?” Cas asked. He had Dean’s hand wrapped in his, clasped over his heart.

“I love you, too.” Dean said a little louder, not moving his head an inch. “I hope that’s not a shock to you. I mean, I haven’t been trying to hide it or anything.” He pressed his lips to Castiel’s neck. “It does. Make it clearer, I mean. I’m glad you told me. I would never…I want you to feel good when we’re together like that Cas, I don’t want you to have to worry that I’m not gonna listen to you when you tell me where your hard limits are.” 

“I was so scared, Dean.” Cas said eventually. “You have to understand, I’ve never felt like this before. I’ve never…wanted someone like this before. It was never an issue before you, trying to explain how I think about things like gender and orientation, because it was never important enough to bother with.” He kissed Dean’s hand before releasing it, in order to snuggle closer. “Maybe we should make a list of things that we each don’t want, and then write down what we want a lot.”

“Kissing,” Dean murmured. “All the kissing.”

“But no rimming,” Cas said.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh. If you don’t want it, I don’t want it, that’s how this works.” Dean said comfortably. “Oral sex?”

“God, yes,” Castiel said, thinking of Dean’s mouth and how close he’d been to coming in it.

“Sixty-nine?”

“Yes. Grinding?”

Dean smiled against Castiel’s skin. “Frottage? Yeah definitely. Let’s see. Intercrural?”

“What’s that?” Cas asked.

“It’s like, you can slather lube on the insides of your thighs, and—”

“—Oooh.”

“Really?” Dean sounded delighted.

Castiel couldn’t help grinning. “It sounds…interesting.”

“It does, doesn’t it.”

“Dean?”

“Yeah, Cas?”

“We need a new lamp.”

“Yes, Deer.”

“That’s still terrible.”

 

-fin-


End file.
